Almost ten months ago to the day I did an entry on the type of girl I was looking for. And, after a period of much self reflection I must admit to being so deeply wrong. Not in what I was looking for, no, in the fact there was something to look for. By this I mean, I’ve realised I am far from the type of person capable of having any sort of relationship yet alone one with my “ideal” partner.
I know what some people think, that by saying “I’m not ready” I’m just trying to hide and not risk anything, and they have one side to it right, I don’t want to risk anything. And this is for one main reason, I don’t want to hurt anyone, if I find out I’m still not ready. Unfortunately this wasn’t something I could work out with foresight and I did wrong, but thats not why I’m doing this.
Now admittedly in my life as of yet I haven’t always had the best role models for “healthy relationships” but thats no excuse for me to use as a barrier, its just something I can aspire to prove isn’t the only way things can go. On top of that I can understand when people do use such things as a shield but I see myself as my own man, so its for me to move on from.
One more thing I’m tired of people saying forever alone and all that shit, just get on with it… But I’m sure I’ve mentioned that before. For now all I really need is friends, films and well, my right hand.